havent written for a long time..wonder if anyone stills read this blog. i told xiao long nu about this blog before and it occurred to me i should start writing down my thoughts cause i have no one to tell my thoughts and feelings to anyway. everyone have their own problems and I have always portrayed myself as the strong one so everyone always thinks i can take care of myself. I help those who need help, treat those who are in need of money, but my own problems nobody knows. nobody bothers.
the one i love is preoccupied with making my life miserable. then i see people like xiao long nu, who no matter what shit the bf gives, she gives her undying support and love to, and I feel like why that cant happen to me? why is it when the only thing i want in my life is a family to call my own and i cant get it. I just want someone to come back and tell my problems to, whom i can share my life with, who will encourage me and give me support no matter what happens, who will defend me from her friends even when they are saying shit about me. Why does the one I love destroy me in front of her family, her friends and even mine? Yes I have complained incessantly about her, but everyone knows how much I love her, even my mum wants her back.
Friends? Everyone has their problems. I help, i help, i help. When I need help, no one can help. Everyone just says fuck it la, cant help sorry, or just ignore and divert.
I am just too dead right now inside to fully express myself. I really wanna give up this laughing stock of a fight called life. There is nothing to live for, nothing to fight for, nothing to breath for
