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Thursday, February 17, 2005 tomorrow is the first round of hosting..a bit nervous but generally confident. should not disappoint myself. Had lunch with her at SIM. She looks a bit shaky but ok. At least tonight we will together and she should be asleep by the time we get home, so she wont think so much. Have to take it one step at a time now. Be brave b.. work load aint so much now..so can relax a bit and hopefully send out my first X'solut newsletter and get down on the cisco thing. have to start bucking up and get out of my funk now. We went out in her car tday. Was suppose to go chinatown but we ended up taking a tour of orchard instead it seems. Rush hour traffic drove us two bonkers but we had a good laugh about it. We did find the market in the end and we had a small, intimate feast. Chu chang fen, char kway teo, bar chor mee, and guo tie. Went to walk around after that. It was happy, carefree and blissful. It was like existence was starting to have meaning once again. It didnt end all that well in the end. We didnt quarrel, just something happened to trigger off something within her that wasn't pleasant feeling. We seperated reluctantly, but with loads on our minds. The relationship now is like a new born deer. Wet with blood, weak, barely able to see, with little strength to even stand up on its own. But the force of life pushes him on. He falls every time he tries to stand, but he struggles back up. Slowly he can see better. Slowly he can take a few steps before collapsing. Slowly he learns to find food. No doubt the past lingers on you like a shadow, haunting you with terrible memories and destroying your self-confidence with recollections of what happened before and what people said about you, but i want you to believe in the future, b. Believe that in the next few months -- years, at most -- all these will just be vague memories which can hurt you no more. Take strength in this knowledge and go on pursuing your dreams, your life, us. With perserverance and trust, we can build things anew. Just got to be honest with each other and dont hold back thoughts within yourself. Its gonna be hard for me too but we're gonna try together ok? This period of time is going to be a testing one. See if we can pass this test. Wednesday, February 16, 2005 I'm officially attached. Its going to be tough. But hey, its the process that makes the result all the more sweeter. I'm going to try. She's going to try too. Lets hope this is going to be a memorable journey. Tuesday, February 15, 2005 karen is my secondary school junior. I'm three years her senior. My impression of her in secondary school was that she wa a complete nerb with specs and oversized skirt. She would complete any stereotype you have of a typical studious kid. Her friend was interested in me and that was how i knew her. We didnt talk much during that time. Anyway i graduated shortly after she came into boon lay so we lost contact. I saw her again, last year, in school. She has grown a lot, and much prettier now too. Her features are still similar to 7 years ago but strangely, evolution has rearranged them now to complement each other. Her eyes, too big in the past, now look perfectly suited to her lanky frame. A bit like gigi leung. Her nose and mouth reminds me faintly of julia roberts. Wide smile, but strangely fitting for her small oval face. Her hair was dyed what i called 'ah-lian' bright brown. But somehow she didnt look lian. She looked radiant and fresh with the color. So anyway we talked for a while and exchanged numbers but nothing much really happened after that. We didnt even talk on the phone. If not for occasionally bumping into each other in and outside school, she would have completely slipped my mind. Then i saw her again at Rouge on friday. She just broke up with her bf and was on the usual route towards drowning her sorrows. I felt really sorry for her and tried my best to take care of her the whole night. I know she was sad and down but i didnt want anything to happen to her that she would regret. Maybe its cause i know what the consequences of drinking too much when your sad are... When a guy held her in his arms i wanted to confront him but i had sense to ask her friends first and they said she knew him so i let it pass. I asked her various times to go home as she was intoxicated. I asked her too if she knew him and she said yeah so i didnt pursue further. I was not in much of a position to ask anyway. We talked a lot. About how she felt, about what happened. Not deep talk but i did my best to cheer her up. She took a cab home and that was that. We started messaging each other the next day. It was just kinda fun kind of messages at first. Then i realise she was flirting with me. It was flattering but i thought she was just rebounding so i took it with a pinch of salt. She wanted to meet me but i was working so it couldnt be arranged. Instead we arranged to meet for lunch on monday. Monday we met and went to clementi for lunch. I would be lying if i said i wasn't attracted to her. She was not too feminine, had a great smile, and could talk. She laughed freely and wasnt one who reserved her thoughts. We had lunch, talked more, and then had to go back to school cause of class. We exchanged valentines gifts. haha..nothing big or fancy..just personal stuff as mementos. I was sick today and she came down after school to find me. The day went off wonderfully sweet. We talked we laughed and we shared our thoughts on various things. We ate, went to town, walked around -- simple happy stuff. But we were happy. Truly happy in each others company. A dark cloud still looms over her though. Talked about us. But its too early. Dark clouds gives rise to storms. And storms can destroy newly built bridges. Time can heal the pain. My wound is fresh too but i have covered it up in mud. When mud hardens it covers the wound. But when rain comes and the mud is washed off, you will be able to see the wound again, worse than before. Like her i'm walking dead, both in the midst of coping with lost love. Together we find solace and comfort. But would we in tranquility discover paradise together? Hard to say. She is crying now. I will wipe the tears from her eyes. Maybe that is all that we need now. Sunday, February 13, 2005 i miss you. tday is vday. happy vday everyone. to all singles out there, dispair not cause somewhere in the world theres someone whos just like you, sad, angry and cursing fate. am in a funk. heart is sore. cant seem to do anything. xcept sit and stare. and wonder. and think. and tear. |
Richel A.K.A Bkoolz tag me 
my previous life
03/30/2003 - 04/06/2003 designed by lonelyger |
