Its really frustrating actually.
Think about it, you try to have a simple relationship with another person. Just a normal everyday relationship between a guy and a girl. U just want to keep it quiet, personal, just the two of us. If we have any problems, we will settle it ourselves. If we have joy we will celebrate between ourselves and our group of friends.

But as my fate would have it, people has to come interfere.

Have you ever woken up one morn and thought to yourself, HEY! My goal in life is ACTUALLY to wreck this guy's life! How about...hmmm lets see...YEAH I'll go poison everyone of his gfs and make them think that he is a horrible sonofabitch and then make them poison everyone else he is close with so that they will think the same way!

WHAT A GREAT IDEA!!

I fondly call this group of girls my fan club. RFC.

Three of my ex partners are now banded together in this RFC. The most hurting thing is two of them i loved. Now all three of them have bonded together to attack Jac. Even though Jac trust me with the world and vice versa for me, she can't help but build up these questions inside of her. Her perspectives towards matters regarding our relationship has been affected and altered by everything the RFC has to say about me. Kudos to her for not letting them affect her too much like my recent previous gf was, but she is starting to create doubts in herself.

Somehow things i do will become horribly distorted and unfaithful when passed through the RFC filter. If we have a argument about somethings, we usually settle it very fast. But to the RFC, its signs that I'm losing interest in the relationship. If i do not pick up her calls bec my stupid phone is so soft, it means to the RFC that i'm out with some hot chick. If i do go out with some hot chick, it automatically means that I've slept with them.

Hmm...that last point doesn't sound that bad actually.

But fantasies aside, what the RFC is particularly good at is jumping to conclusions, and then distorting them, then passing them on to Jac. They seem content to do this to everyone i'm interested in. The same tactics even. Posting on their blogs, msn, telling her about my past. Haha...amazingly predictable. Thankfully, Jac has been sensible enough to see through the ploys. Like for example, E keeps saying that i was a freeloader who forced myself into her place, and proceeded to wreck havoc in her lives and her family's.

Think logically for a sec, how do you force your way into someone's home? They have wat, 5 family members, and i just somehow managed to force my way into their lives for three months? They even cooked dinner for this 'freeloader'. Its no use crying over spilt milk. Everyone goes into a relationship without knowing for sure what is going to happen. If you want to count your losses after the relationship is over, you are either horribly practical, or terribly infantile, both for which i will feel infinitely sorry for you.

How about the common line of argument, I have nothing, why fall for me. Good question. Look in to the mirror and ask the reflection that very same question. If you can answer it, congratulations, you have found the perfect answer to why you are NOT in love with me at all.
If you can't answer? congrats too, you are still human.

Love cannot be explained. Neither can it be demonstrated with actions. The actions REFLECT the love and not explains it. When y0u see the person you love smile and you feel an unexplanable joy, that is the purest form of love you can feel. Love is not something you try so hard to prove or show others, but what YOU FEEL for someone else. So you strive to do what you can to make the person happy. It should NOT be driven by practicality and reality, or money or status. You cannot carry all these things to your grave. Nor to wherever after that. But the memory of the love that you felt for the person, or the person's smile and laugh, that is enough to last you for lifetimes and beyond.

To RFC, i applaud your efforts. All of you. I wish you all the success in poisoning Jac. If you succeed, congrats. If you dont, I'm sure you will find more people to poison to try and fill up that void in your life.

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[richel] [4/25/2006 02:45:00 AM]