Everywhere you turn you face disappointments. You know, deep inside yourself that there are things which won't go your way. There are millions, zillions of things that are out of your control. Some things you can only wish and pray to whatever god you worship, will turn out the way you want it to be.

I lost the jurong point job. It was a job that would have paid my bills for the next 4-5 months. But i lost it. Why? Office politics. Another emcee offered less. I was unlucky. The management is fucked up. Quite a lot of reasons none of which may be the one. But my inclination is of course leaning towards the last one. I have sent an email to artiste-e. HOpefully something will work out. Once i got the video of my hosting, hopefully things will be easier. Winning tq wouldnt do me any harm either.

NOw can i win?

I would like to think i can, but after evaluating my opponents i came to realise something.

I should kill myself if i do not win.

NO la... lina is good. She is very conversant and natural in mandarin. Ivy has got her own style though i don't think she would be very suitable for formal events, image and style wise. Boon wei? Still got a long way to go man. Rem mate, always use language that people understand.
me? hmm...people have said i'm ok. I'm fine. I'm not spectacular. I get the job done and i don't crack under stress. I deal with stuff coolly and calmly. I look at hosts who do masters of ceremony 'professionally' and sometimes i think to myself how in the world did they get their job. Then i think,would i do a better job than them? I envision doing a road show in town, with loads of people watching and cheering. That adrenaline rush would be incredible. Addictive even i think. But will i have this chance? The largest crowd i got was in shopping centres. Those are small fry stuff (wow, i used to think they were huge, now i think there miniscule). Where is my plaza sing? Or my orchard? Or any D&D? Be patient. Yeah i know that, but bills won't be told that right? Hosting pays quite a bit, it does. And the past few shows i had, they paid cash or cheque, on the spot. NOt like bloody motorola, have to wait three bloody months for pay.

I want to start earning big money fast. Things are going so slowly. In an ever changing economy slow is unacceptable. Every minute you lose, along with time goes the opportunities. I'm not getting younger (must have said this million of times already) and i need to grab everything that comes my way.

But i can only do that if they stay long enough for me to grab them.

Thanks baby for all the encouragement that you have been giving me. It really means the world to me to have someone there to be with me all the time. Part of me is striving for our future too. To all my other friends who have given me support these years, elaine, karin, constance, the rcc guys, thanks..(feeling a tad bit sentimental now)

tomorrow will be a better day...

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[richel] [3/03/2005 11:10:00 PM]

today was a sort of reality check today. I went for the face audition but i didnt get through. Not bec of my face. But cause i was too skinny. In a room of guys who were bigger and taller than me, i was a wee bit midget-ty. i was told by sunny to go bulk up then he will enter me into urban male. I thought about what he said and then i sighed.

Whats talent when all you have to do is go bulk yourself up and groom well and then you can enter into modelling competitions to earn money, fame and respect? At the end of the day when your looks fade and your muscles sag, whos gonna look at you and proudly say, 'hey look at him! he was mr so and so and im so proud to know him?' You prolly can only try and lift your aching sagging muscled torso and smile weakly from your once bronze and taut face.

But such is the reality of the materialistic world. Beauty holds more importance than brains in the media industry. Without brawn, u go the hard road up man im sorry. I'm taking the hard road up now, grabbing at every chance that is given of me. Trying so hard to gain as much experience as i can and throwing myself shamelessly at all auditions and all companies searching for talent. I'm forging a somewhat bright future in hosting which can eventually lead to radio where i plan to go anyway. But today has really lose quite a bit of my confidence, though i admit its for the wrong reasons.

Studies wise its realy crunch time cause all the final projs coming up and tests and wat nots. Its do or die now and I'm really teethering on tenderhooks here. Got quite a lot of stuff backdated and i totally havent caught up on revision at all. Attendence wise im shot to shit. So i really gotta buck up a bit if i wanna pass the rest of this semester.

Work wise i got a jurong point gig coming up for hosting that is under confirmation. That pays quite a bit. Then i got the talentquest finals coming up on the 20th this month. Guys help vote me at www.tq.com.sg ok? Still got motorola to do..but i still havent really concentrated on my little baby x'solut. Sigh..time is really not enough..

Love life? Couldnt be better, baby and i are doing well. Its our second week and we're going strong. Been doing a lotta couple stuff like movies, dinner, walking around, beach, oh yeah, shes working for motorola too now. So we're colleagues too. Sweet eh? hhaa...anyway thanks b for just being there. Its gonna be a month or so more before u grad. Things would be a bit different then but hey, we'll find a way yeah?

Take care guys...

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[richel] [3/02/2005 06:51:00 AM]

20th march -- finals of talentquest 2005.

I'm going to be one of the hosts of the above event, finalist of emcee category mah. Im sort of wondering who will come. I know b will...and since she bought two tix she wil bring someone along. Course there will be a little ''publicity'' done, this entry being one of them. But as to who will really make the effort to buy the ticket from me and go, now thats another issue. I don't deny this competition means something to me. It ain't like the other shows i have did which were for the money. This one's for the glory and the fame. I wanna be able to tell companies that hey, I won this nation wide emcee competition, I have co-hosted a grand final for a big competition and i have done children shows as well as adult shows too. Im versatile, use me. I believe in my ability, but i recognise that a lot comes from being lucky too. You can have the skills but without the luck, it ain't worth much.

So people out there, if your reading this, give me the support for this ok? Come for the finals. It would mean a lot to me.

B, i have no idea what these few days would be like without you. Somehow through small little things like going out and being there for the competition, you have brought shreds of focus and stability back into my life. Suddenly there was someone who showed care and concern for me with not just words, but actions. Suddenly my words and what i do meant so much to someone. Suddenly there was someone whom i know will rush down to my aid if ever i need help. That person is you b. Its hard already to find someone who share your interests but its harder to find someone who not share your interests but your heart and mind as well. There have been so many instances where we think about exactly the same things at the same times and say what me/you has been meaning to say just before me/you say it! Its a strange connection of our minds that defy logic and reason. Its a chemistry that many couples would take many years -- and many never succeed -- to forge. Its scary everytime it happens because its just too sweet.

We have got so many plans coming up for the next month or so. Think its really kind of lovely to be able to meet everyday in school, eat and then swim together. Wouldn't want to think when you have to leave school though but if it comes, it comes, we'll deal with it. But for now, i just want to concentrate on tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow....

Ps: -- Its going to be a busy march for me i anticipate. So do forgive me if I can't update my blog regularly.

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[richel] [2/27/2005 08:13:00 AM]