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Thursday, August 21, 2003 wrote a whole lotta stuff then internet hang on me. everything gone.
im childish k? im not putting in enough effort in dance. im childish. i should have more consideration for your feelings. i should have done this and done that. i should have been your version of a guy. of a bf. dance -- 4 years. i have danced freestyle. what i observed. wat i have seen. no instructions from anyone at all. these 4 years. countless people have come up to me and told me that i am a good dancer. u have seen it urself in devils. in paradigm too. yet u say my steps suck. its does. in ur opinion. i say ur machi steps are too stiff not hip hoppy enuf but do i force ya to comply with me? dance is all about having fun, all about enjoying the performance. dun make it as though we are going to a competition or a test. its suppose to be unstressful. cant u relax. no u cnt. yet i tried. from the first times when i could not do anythig rite till now when i have done so much of the dance in your style already i think i have acheived something. its a month compared to 4 years of freestyle dancing. dont expect wonders. im not receptive to teaching? how many times have i practised the error prone area? u have seen it urself. i told u i have psychomoto prob. at crucial times i cant differentiate between left and right. im frustrated with myself about that but wat can i do! alrite. blame me for that ok? i didnt wanna dance yest when we two were alone bec i was thought u would talk or at least hint me about it. but u jus got pissed at me. and silent treat moi. fine if think i was childish to walk off. fine if every one in the group thought it was irresponsible for me to walk off like dat. i dun mind being the villian. i have always been the villian anyway. this is the 2nd third time this happened. i always crawl back. always apologise beg u to continue. it aint my fault but still i do it. i gotta be understanding about it>? its a flaw in your character that i have to compromise? well wats the compromise? that when u flip like this i have to jus leave u like dat? that i should jus accept this? what sorta compromise is this? i thought from the last quarrel we have been very clear about this point? i value communication in a relationship. to talk things out. but it seems that u have not changed at all. i have given up so many things. addiction to smoking, football betting, even the guy incident..i have given it all up. u urself said 6 months. wat have u changed within urself? u are still so silent to me about the goin ons in ur life. and when u have a prob u jus shut me off. fine. my fault ok? shouldnt push you when u are silent. should jus bugger myself off. take it that nothing has happened. jus try to ignore u when u are down. ridiculous same old routine..suggesting break again. not secured in this realtionship? haha..six months. that is like an eternity to me u know? all my camp mates know that i have never had a realtionship that lasted so long. NEVER! xcept for that two year des..she was my first love. not secured about that? wat do you want from me then? its jus u not me eh? rite. fine. shut me off again im sick of this. im childish. im irresponsible. i should not have done this or that. i should have more concern for ur feelings. think before u say that. from all our quarrels, ask urself who was the one who begged u back/not to leave even on occasions when it was not my fault. ask urslef that. our status discuss after the performance. oh yeah the performance. im gonna go there to enjoy myself ok. to enjoy the high from performing. if u wanna get pissed off at how i dance tough ok? it aint a competition. we are doing a favour. we are doing it for experience sake. i will do my best. if it aint up to ya 'standard' too bad eh. we are from different schools of dance. live that up or u can shovel it. Sunday, August 17, 2003 jus rem that ididnt put up the link...well here it is...
http://210.193.6.182:8008/listen.pls INSOMNIA with dj bkolz tue and wed and every other late nights after 12... current jobs 1) waiter at long beach 7.50 per hour 2) promoter for e365 motorola new hp 9 per hour 3) sm for act3 school tour 1300 for 60 shows waiting for money from 1) mercherdising 2) my ezlink card refund lost item (ARGGGGGGGG) 1) addidas puch 2) wallet 3) 11b 4) 8 dollars 5) ez link card 6) vcd discman 7) cd for act3 performance 8) t-shirts from act 3 9) a whole lotta membership cards.. freaking hell...damm tired..think one more job at coffee bean at the airport will positively wear me out..but sigh..bo bian..family will need the money...sigh..wo bu ru di yu shui ru di yu... |
Richel A.K.A Bkoolz tag me 
my previous life
03/30/2003 - 04/06/2003 designed by lonelyger |
