strange how life turns out. what seemed like hell a week ago seems to be heaven now. life seems to enjoy these twist and turns.
family is fine now. we had a talk. mother expressed her disappointments and i agreed with her on most points. i was getting out of hand. i was losing my focus and neglecting my responsibilities. she needed support and i as eldest sun should be there for her. we talked and i expressed my apologies at being irresponsible. she also relented and compromised on a few issues. things were resolved and happiness once again dawned upon our lives. -- eeks did i just say that?? god..wat a way to put it!! --

school was a terror. i felt isolated from my peers due to my age gap and lack of communication. i have no idea what to talk to them about or how to talk to them. ironic that audrey is the same age as them too. but things seems to be fine now. just completed filming the loc vid final proj. am reasonably happy though i felt a lot of things could have be done in a better way if not for their onsolence but it was a generally well done project. am preparing for the canon competition. have a good idea in mind but i think its going to be quite tricky. have to do a bit of homework on it first. only worry for school now would be the medisoc exam in a few days time. have to do well in that to have any realistic chance of passing the module.

relationship with her was the real downer at first. had so much problems with her i couldnt take it anymore. i was so fed up with her not following what i insisted her on doing i wanted to give up. friends told me not to expect much. shes only 17. natural that she is going to be playful. but deep down i didnt want to just let go like that. i questioned myself incessantly as to how best to handle the situation and more than once i came to the conclusion that it would be better off to just finish things once and for all. she aint worth it i told myself. but why do i feel so sad then?

a few days ago we had a bitter argument. i checked her handphone and i discovered once again that guys have been sending her leading sms-s. and from the way that she had been replying, it seems that she wasnt exactly discouraging them either. i blew up and we had a physical fight. after that i felt so angry and so shaken my hands didnt stop trembling for hours. my heart ached at what i did to her and i almost lost conscious at the pent up anger i had inside of me. i drank to try and quench the fire within me. i got drunk. woke up the next morning with a splitting headache yet still had to work.

after work mandy wanted to celebrate her birthday. actually i dont have the mood to go but since she has helped me a lot before i thought well, cant let my unhappiness spoil her special day so i agreed to come. halfway through the celebrations i received her sms. something went wrong. i called her and we had a long talk. the next day we met up and i wanted so much to hug her there and never let go.

we are happy now. whatever has happened has happened. whatever is to come we will go through it. the future is not bleak. as long as both you and i work hard in both of our lives the future will be brighter than you can ever imagine. there are a few areas that you will have to work on and you know it. but you will need time, i know.

And i will give u time. :)

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[richel] [10/12/2004 10:03:00 AM]