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Wednesday, May 14, 2003 wah lao eh...it realli hurts ah!! that colonograph...it was like air being blown into ur intestines!! GOD!!! it definately is not an experience i wanna go for in the near future...still very groggy from the drugs...but fine..FINALLY CAN EAT!! after three days of eating virtually nothing i finally can eat again!! YESH! but dunno what to eat leh...sianz...
to karkar...kekekkke...*blush* kkekeke....wonders wat a little heart to heart talk can do eh...kekekek... *blush* muahahaha no mood to write...quite happy...mus go eat!!!! MAUHAHAHA!!! Monday, May 12, 2003 i wrote so much...but its all gone now..
iexplore error... wanna write...realli wanna write more and more and more... but there is no time... i have read verything there is to read...blogs...sms...but there is no answer. i have lost to fate. i tried. for the first time in a long time i tried but i failed. failed. failed. again fail........ Sunday, May 11, 2003 listening to evanescence...
never knew pian could exist in so many entities..their songs evoke within me such pleasant pain...its almost like a release..but yet i cnt cry. this strange numbness...its like my mind is not here at all..but floating..in some imaginary plane where pain is the air that i breath where sorrow is the water that i drink. i realli jus wanna getaway. so many times. so many times i have failed. miserably. fallen..thats a good name. a good name. it means to have fell. or someone. me? fallen... memories...like a dam...a broken dam..onrushing..flooding my senses...i c like a broken record player..over and over replaying those scenes..those very moments..of happiness and pain...of celebration and quarrels...of life and death. maybe i will cry..maybe i will wake up one day and die. maybe our lives are too short. maybe not. How can you see into my eyes
like open doors leading you down into my core where I've become so numb? Without a soul; my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold, until you find it there and lead it back home. (Wake me up.) Wake me up inside. (I can't wake up.) Wake me up inside. (Save me. ) Call my name and save me from the dark. (Wake me up. ) Bid my blood to run. (I can't wake up. ) Before I come undone. (Save me. ) Save me from the nothing I've become. Now that I know what I'm without you can't just leave me. Breathe into me and make me real. Bring me to life. Bring me to life. I've been living a lie/There's nothing inside. Bring me to life. Frozen inside without your touch, without your love, darling. Only you are the life among the dead. All of this sight I can't believe I couldn't see Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me I've been sleeping a 1000 years it seems. I've got to open my eyes to everything. Without a thought Without a voice Without a soul Don't let me die here/There must be something more. Bring me to life colonoscopy -- 14/5/03
venue: NUH time: 3pm 3 days b4 it: no meat. no grains or cereals, no fruits and vegetables. day b4 appointment: no solid food after lunch. 4pm start bowel preparation solution. appointment day.: fast from 9am im frightened. dunno what to expect. ah fuck it.who cares? I'm so tired of being here
supressed by all my childish fears and if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave 'cause your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time cannot erase when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears and I held your hand through all of these years but you still have me all of me you used to captivate me by your resonating light now I'm bound by the life you've left behind your face it hurts my once pleasant dreams your voice it chased away all the sanity in me I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone but though you're still with me I've been alone all along... fine. im the barbarian ok? im the fucking beng who dunno how to take care of a drunk! u think i wanted things to turn out like this? i didnt want to leave him until i was sure he would be safe. i couldnt possibly have left him down there alone he would def be in big fucking trouble. wait until he is sober? HA! its not like i have nev been drunk b4 OK! U THINK ITS SO FUCKING EASY TO BE SOBER? esp when someone is as fucking drunk as him? U are pissed about what how i handle the situation? HEY I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO DID SOMETHING OK? U c anyone he knows doing anything for him? AND I SAY AGAIN, IM NOT FUCKING SUPERMAN! im human! how am i suppose to handle him myself? those other assholes and lians wanna chup in what u wan me to do? tell them to fuck off when they wan to help? yes they didnt do anything constructive and they made things worse. rite i talked to them wif vulgarities and acted like a beng. well WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN CLUBBING! What has happened to chu chang has happened to me b4 has happened to chris has happened to most everyone that chionged ok!
that is the ugly side of clubbing. i have gotten worse than him b4 ok? when someone goes clubbing he is responsible for himself that is the first golden rule one learns! u cant drink u dont drink. u get drunk u are on ur own or u hope for the best. what did u expect me to realli do? tell everyone to fuck off and leave him on the floor and fucking stare at hiM? \oh and im real fucking sorry for delaying u and april;s precious time. im SO fucking sorry that u three high class upper echelon nose in the air ladies have to c such a horrible sight. it mus have been SO FUCKING disgusting to u. WELL IM SO FUCKING SORRY! but this kind of things fucking happens! i got puke all over me wat did ya expect me to do? fucking smile and be polite? hey u are not the one carrying him down ok? i had to do what i do so that he would not inconvenience the bouncer and the security guard, if u are so fucking disappointed wif me and u think me beng or barbaric well TOO BAD! This is me. fucking take it or leave it. |
Richel A.K.A Bkoolz tag me 
my previous life
03/30/2003 - 04/06/2003 designed by lonelyger |
